New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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