I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
