i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
