Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i now understand why vodka
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
