I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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