All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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