They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
