I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
