You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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