I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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