I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
