Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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