Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
