Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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