Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize