i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
