then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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