i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
