Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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