Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
