Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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