Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
