its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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