i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
