He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
