Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
