My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
