So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
