i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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