This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
