Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
