if you like me you must not know who I am
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
