I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
