Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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