Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
