I puked a lego.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
