i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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