I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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