So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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