what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
