i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
