Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
