New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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