I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
