Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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