I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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