The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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