guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
