Someone shit on the floor
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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