If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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