Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
