So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
