He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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