If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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