She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
