Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
