the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
