does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
